Merry

Merry Christmas!
A lot has happened since the last post. I got annoyed cuz pp was playing around with me and then when I said I'd call someone else, he said some other girl was coming over who was "tighter" and "way hotter, not that you're even hot." So I got annoyed - she might be hotter, but no way is she tighter.

Anyways, I wrote him a nasty email - and a nastier email after that. He wanted me to dress up for him -- in a black, lacy thong. I didn't own such thing. So then after a day, I got depressed and so I emailed him with a subject header "hi - black thong".

He actually responded two days later, so he didn't think that threatening email -- where I basically told him to get AIDs and die a horrible death -- did not phase him. Or maybe he didn't want to get dumped.

on the side

I took Paddy for a walk this morning, I didn't take him out yesterday. I gave him so many treats, he's one spoiled doggy.

I have not heard from pp. Big surprise there.

I wonder how many girls he has on the side.

Saturday nites

I had my fourth therapy session today and we didn't talk about pp. I saw him last Saturday night, even after I told him I wanted to be his friend. He couldn't even manage or dredge up to be my friend. How sad is that?

Then he tried to argue the merits of just doing it for sex, then he said he didn't want to do it. But then when I mentioned the a, he was like it was your call. Then he called me when he was drunk, but it turns out that he was just drunk. He didn't want to do it anymore because I wanted to be his friend. Then we met up on that Saturday night. A Saturday, that was a first.

Rebirth

OK, no way am I gonna use any trace of his name. How did he find my blog???

I am so miserable. It's over. I sent him an email telling him I wanted more. He doesn't want more from me. He will go away. It's really over this time. He doesn't want anything from me besides my sex. My therapist pretty much said that. She said that she'll make me stronger. That was nice of her to say that. I don't need her though. I am going to be strong.

Patrick is not coming back. pp is gone. I won't take this blog off, there is no more associating this to him.

She'll never change her ways
Don't fool yourself - she was heartache from the moment that you met her
My heart is frozen still as I try to find the will to forget her somehow
She's somewhere out there now
I think I've forgottten her now
Her love is a rose, pale and dying.

Jeff Buckley captures how I feel. Forget her, is Forget him.

My tears are falling down as I try to forget
The love was a joke since the day that we met
All of the words
All of the men
All of my pain when I think back to when


I love him. He won't know that. He'll never know that I would have always loved him.

He was the buster. I was disarming, that's my euphemism.

I am going to be in CT the next few days. I can't take it anymore. I will stay there and recuperate.